Running From Love
by mumei
Summary: In a moment of anger Duo leaves the other pilots. Can anything bring him back home to the one that loves him? Or will Heero let him go? 1x2 pg for mild cussing
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, I don't make any money off it, yadda yadda yadda

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, I don't make any money off it, yadda yadda yadda. You guys all know the drill. 

Please Read and Respond. I love getting input back!

Running From Love

By Mumei

Duo scuffed his heels through the gravel of the road. He was leaving. He had to. 

The past month had been torture—an agonizing mix of unrecognized fears and unconfirmed suspicions. But now that all seemed to be a paradise. A few lone drops of rain splattered against his nose, his cheeks. Perfect, just perfect, he thought, life found a way to get even worse. He sighed, stopped, and turned. Duo's gaze rested on his home, well, now his ex-home. It was just a house now. Soon, the sun would be glaring in the kitchen. He could see in his mind's eye the glint of sunshine off of the table, Trowa's silhouette making breakfast, Wufei sitting at the table, Quatre would just be coming in the room now, and Heero… 

Duo broke himself out of his reverie. He would not think about him. 

"Love may know no bounds Heero, but I do. I can't seem to cross them, or even meet you halfway there. I just can't stand to live, or love, like this." Duo began walking again, gravel crunching beneath his feet. 

He paused once more to look back towards the house. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and took a last look, trying to memorize it and forget it all at once. "Goodbye Heero," he whispered to no one but the wind. With that he was gone. 

********************************************************

"What was that all about?" Quatre asked, innocent eyes questioning the stone face of Heero. The shouting from the room down the hall from his had woken him last night. Now, Duo was gone and Quatre was worried about him. Quatre knew that he worried more than the rest of them, but he didn't care. It was his nature, his very sensitive nature. 

"I don't know," Heero replied. 

"You don't know?"

"He just stormed out."

"Maybe I should go after him, you know, just to make sure he's alright." Quatre looked towards the door but didn't move. 

"He'll be back."

Quatre's bright blue eyes shone with uncertainty. 

"He'll be fine."

Quatre stared at the firm resolve of the other pilot. He opened his mouth to speak, but a look from Trowa silenced him. Perhaps Heero was right. Duo had stalked out before, maybe he just needed some time to cool off. Maybe. 

***********************************************************

Duo knew that walking to the hanger was stupid. It had stopped raining, but still…. The hanger was too far away for a comfortable walk, but he was in the mood to do stupid things right now. For awhile, he kept reminding himself of who he was—Duo, Shinigami the god of death, a Gundam pilot, an orphan. He did not need anyone, he would be fine on his own. But as the miles started to blur, Duo's resolve began to falter. 

Could he do this? Could he go back to his old way of life? One filled with the loneliness of self-imposed exile? Being with the others—Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, Heero—was the first time in a long time that he felt as though he belonged. Could he leave? Did he want to? 

Duo looked up from his troubled thoughts. He was at the hanger. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. "I am Shinigami. I don't need anyone, I never have before and I never will." And with that, he climbed on board. 

************************************************************************

The day had grown dark. Heero had not moved from the window for many hours. Despite nightfall he still stared outside. Where was Duo? He should have been back by now. Heero's eyes were burning from searching the hills, watching them constantly, but he dared not blink. He might miss him. 

"Heero?"

The boy said nothing in reply, but Quatre knew that he was listening. 

"He's gone."

"He'll be back," Heero replied with as much certainty as he had earlier that day. 

Quatre sighed, he didn't want to be the one to tell him. "He took DeathScythe. There is a transport missing from the hanger. Heero, Duo is gone."

Heero blinked. 

************************************************************************

Duo closed his eyes when he reached the darkness of space. He replayed the scene that had taken place this morning on the backs of his eyelids. Heero had been acting strange for the past month. Not that Heero's behavior wasn't already strange, this had been even stranger. He had taken his silent and secretive nature to new extremes. How are you supposed to get along with a guy who never talks, never shows any emotion, never… How are you supposed to love a guy like that? Between Heero's unending silence and his continuous hours on that damn laptop, Duo begun to feel as though he didn't exist. At least not in Heero's world. And that is where he wanted to belong. In Heero's world. Damn, but he hated this. Maybe if he had just kept his mouth shut, if he had just stuck it out, ignoring the cold shoulder, ignoring what he felt… But now it was too late for maybes. What was done, was done. He just had to get past it. Somehow…

***********************************************************************

"Quatre, what are you doing?"

The blonde looked up into the face of his beloved. 

"Nothing Trowa." 

Trowa couldn't help but smile—Quatre was obviously doing something, and *almost* trying to be secretive about it. 

"Quatre, you are choosing to lie very poorly. Which means that you want to tell me, but feel as though you shouldn't because somebody might not like it. Am I right?"

Quatre hung his head in silent agreement. 

"I thought so. Is it about Duo?"

Quatre looked up sharply. "It's about him. And about Heero."

Trowa nodded. "Don't you think that they will sort this all out by themselves?"

"Do you?"

Now it was Trowa's turn to hang his head. "No."

"I just want it all to work out," said Quatre. 

Silently, Trowa agreed. 

**********************************************************************

Duo looked around the hanger's port and gave a low whistle. "Not bad, not bad at all…." He slowly crept up the ladder into the third transport—and by far the nicest—that he had taken since he left the others. He knew that sticking with these large transports was going to make him stick out, but there was no way that he was going to leave Death Scythe. The Gundam was all that he had left. Duo quickly quashed that thought and sauntered over to his Gundam. 

"Well mate, I guess it's just you and me now. Just like it's supposed to be. The god of death and his tool of destruction. Where do you want to go? Yeah, I don't know either." Duo leaned on the railing, never quite looking at his mobile suit. He could almost feel it looking at him, disappointed. He felt the irrational need to explain things to the Gundam suit. It was his other half. A half-smirk graced his face. "I guess as long as I'm doing stuff this crazy, the least I can do is talk to you." He sighed, "D'you think this is a good idea?"

The Gundam just sat there, silent in the darkness.


	2. chapter 2

Duo sat on the stool in his new apartment

Duo sat on the stool in his new apartment. It wasn't really his and it wasn't really an apartment but still…. The previous occupants had just left, rather suddenly he heard. They were kind enough to have left their furniture—this barstool, an old mattress, a couple of small tables and one leather footstool. The place was a two-room shack just over the dunes from the ocean. The roof leaked and the foundation was starting to crumble on the south side of the house. He was shack 4 of a whole street full of poorly funded housing projects. But still, it was a roof over his head and was close enough to civilization that he could keep in touch with Howard. Duo sighed, at that thought. Howard was keeping his Gundam for the time being. After all the care and pains he took to make sure that it came with him, he had to leave it with Howard. No, he chose to. Howard had asked him to stay. But Duo just couldn't accept the offer. 

Duo rubbed his tired eyes. It was the middle of the night and, as usual, he couldn't sleep. Duo had always been a night owl, but this was different. He hadn't had a good night's rest for over a month now. This past week had been especially bad though. It was as if his eyelids only had to close and the movie of his stupid fight would start playing. He rubbed his eyes and wished for… well, he couldn't think of anything to wish for, so he got up and started pacing. The memory was fresh in his mind—the late night, the only sound in their shared room was the religious tap of fingers against a keyboard. Lying there, Duo couldn't help but look towards that desk, that laptop, that figure. He just couldn't stand it anymore. 

"Just what is so important that is can't wait until morning?"

The constant stream of keyboarding was his only answer. 

"It's, uh… holy cow! It's two in the morning! Heero, c'mon, turn that stupid thing off and let's get some sleep. Heero!" 

Silence. Duo felt Heero's eyes on him—it was strange but Heero's glare of death could actually be *felt*. After a moment, the keyboarding continued. Duo closed his eyes, he could feel himself growing angry. Heero had been doing this night after night after night. He stayed up ungodly late, keeping Duo up in the process. Duo was almost never tired enough to sleep through the light and sound of Heero's laptop. Granted, it wasn't much distraction, but it still did its annoying job. With each click and clatter he could feel the time bomb ticking away inside his brain. Duo didn't even try to diffuse it. He threw off his covers and jumped out of bed. The room had a slight chill to it, making him shiver. Silently, he wished that he had worn more than just his boxers to bed. Duo stood to the right of Heero. "Hey, I'm talking to you. The least you could do is answer!" 

The click of the keys continued. 

"Damnit Heero, talk to me, what the hell is wrong with you?" 

Still nothing. 

In an act of complete frustration Duo slammed the laptop shut, hitting Heero's fingers in the process. Duo once again felt Heero's eyes boring holes into his skull. But instead of getting any other reaction, Heero simply re-opened his laptop and logged back on. Duo stared in a moment of amazement before he recalled his anger. "Y'know what Heero? I'm tired of all this silence. Of your damn cold shoulder. The way you act all the time… Damn it Heero! I'm tired of you!" By the end he was practically shouting—still hoping to get some reaction out of Heero. 

Even now Duo blushed. He had gotten too angry—he had lost his temper. That sort of thing just didn't happen to him. But still, that was no excuse for Heero… 

"Why should I talk to you?" 

Duo stared, "Because, it's me. Duo. The guy who cares about you, the guy who loves you." 

Damn, that wasn't supposed to slip out, Duo thought, I should've just calmed down…

Now it was Heero's turn to stare. "Maybe that's a good reason why I'm not talking to you. Love is a weak emotion, we can't afford to be weak."

"Heero, the war is over. We don't have to carry the world on our shoulders any more."

"The aftermath is just starting. We have to be prepared."

"Heero…" 

There was that same helpless feeling running through the pit of his stomach. 

"There is no place for love here."

Duo had left the room after that, instead going downstairs to sit in the darkness of the den. He wrapped himself in a blanket pilfered from the hall closet and sat in the overstuffed armchair. He could watch the sky turn from midnight to twilight. He dozed off sometime during his vigil and awoke to traces of pink smearing the sky, betraying the fact that morning was near. Duo got up and tiptoed up the stairs, carefully missing the creaky floorboards. He peeked in his room. Thankfully, Heero was asleep; he didn't want to face him again. Duo went to his side of the room and picked up his clothes from the floor. He got dressed downstairs, and putting the keys to one of the transports in his pocket, he left. Rash. Impulsive. Stupid. Necessary. 

Duo could not be so near to that elusive feeling. Love. What had he thinking. This mess was his fault. Not all of it, but a good chunk. He pushed all of the "if only"s and "what if"s out of his head. Damn, but he missed Heero. ************************************************************

Trowa steadily searched the network databases. He could feel Quatre's breath tickling his cheek. The young blonde had been standing there, peering over Trowa shoulder for almost an hour now. He was determined to find out where Duo had gone. Trowa had only shrugged at Quatre's plea for help, gone to his computer and started searching. If only we could have gotten Heero's help with this, he'd have found it in no time, thought the brown-haired boy scowling at the computer screen. But Heero still did not acknowledge that he wanted Duo back. And so Quatre could not ask him, and had come to Trowa instead. Trowa still believed that Duo was fine out there, and that he didn't want to be found. If he had, he would have made it easier to trace him. But Quatre was still so worried…. Did he know something about it? Something that he wasn't telling him? Trowa sighed and re-focused his eyes on the computer screen. 

"Is everything alright?" Quatre asked him without ever taking his eyes off the screen. 

"Hmmm? Oh. Yeah, everything's fine." Then he saw it. At first he did not know why this was it—but instinctively he knew. Then it dawned on him—the passenger boarding/departing lists were off. One less person got off at the transport's final destination. There weren't any other stops along the way, and the flight data showed that it took off again as soon as it was refueled. The plane's last, although unofficial stop was on America's West Coast. Trowa slowly licked his lips, looking over the data once more before he spoke. "Quatre, I've found him," he said as he highlighted the information on the screen. 

Quatre hugged him around the neck so fiercely that Trowa thought he might actually choke. The blonde loosened his death grip, "Thank you Trowa," he said, his eyes shining with something besides hope. 

Trowa left Quatre there, the young boy was now in his element—playing with the vectors and maps, contacting anyone who might know of Duo's whereabouts in America, and doing whatever he could to learn exactly where Duo had gone. But as Trowa walked through the doorway, he couldn't help but wonder if they had done the right thing. 

******************************************************

Quatre silently slid a piece of paper towards Heero as the boy sat at the kitchen table the next morning. 

Heero glanced at it. "Quatre what is this?"

"It's Duo's address." 

Heero read it again—44 Kings Court, Santa Monica, California. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"So you can go there and bring him back." The blonde was completely matter-of-fact. 

"Quatre, I'm not going. He doesn't want to come back."

"You don't know that!" 

"You don't know that he does." 

For a moment the boys just stared at each other. Finally Quatre spoke. 

"I don't know why he left. But he wants to come home, I just know that he does."

"Quatre—"

"No Heero," said Quatre, blatantly cutting him off. "Listen to me, I miss him. So does Trowa and Wufei. But he didn't leave because of us, and he wouldn't come back home if we went to get him. There is no reason why you can't go—we can take care of anything that could come up. But it's your choice. I know that you'll make the right one." Quatre gave Heero one last long look, before getting up and leaving the room. 

Heero shook his head before crumpling the piece of paper and throwing it in the trash. 


	3. chapter 3

Duo was sitting on his barstool at the kitchen counter when there was a knock at the door

Duo was sitting on his barstool at the kitchen counter when there was a knock at the door. He pushed aside the magazine he had been reading and got up. 

"What the hell…" 

He wasn't expecting anyone. Mostly because no one knew that he was here. He couldn't think of anyone—no cults or groups or groupies, not anyone—who would just stop by. He went to the door and looked through the peephole. Through the hazy glass he saw Heero Yuy. Duo stepped back from the shock. Heero? Heero was here? What the hell did Heero think he was doing? He steeled himself, put on his best carefree attitude and grinned as he opened the door. 

"Heero! Been a long time. How ya been?"

This is not what Heero expected. Some dark glances, cold silence, hell, even a closed door would have been better than this cheerfulness. Maybe Heero wasn't doing the right thing after all…. No. Heero was in the right, even if Duo didn't see it yet. 

"Oh, wait, where are my manners. C'mon in!" Duo ushered his guest into the living area. "Sorry it's a mess, but y'know how I am."

The memory caused Heero to smile, messy-old Duo, the guy who was constantly leaving things wherever they fell, the Duo that he knew. 

"So, is this a social call?"

"Yes."

"Whoa, do you make many of those? Is this your first? If it is, well, I'm honored to be the recipient." Duo silently vowed that he wouldn't say anything about all that had been troubling him. If any serious words were to be spoken, it would be Heero to start them. He would stay aloof, apart from all this, so he wouldn't feel any pain until Heero left. 

"So, how *did* you find this place?" Duo couldn't help but ask, he had been so careful. 

Heero paused a moment before responding, "Quatre found it." 

"What?! Quatre?! I mean, I know that the guy is smart, but searching through computers…"

"Trowa helped." A faint smile played at Heero's lips. 

Duo nodded. 

There was a brief silence, but Duo couldn't stand the thought of more of Heero's silence. "So, you came for a silent social visit? Y'know you may want to find some better hobbies…"

"Actually, I came to ask something."

"Hey, I thought this was a social visit!" Duo faked indignance then gave an exaggerated sigh, "Fine, fine, who are you fighting now?"

"No one."

Duo raised his eyebrows at the answer. "You don't want me to help you kick some butt?"

Heero paused a moment before he continued, "I've come to ask you to come back home."

"Well then, ask me."

"I did."

"Nope," Duo shook his head so forcefully that his braid swung out behind him whipping through the air. "You simply told me why you came, you haven't actually asked me anything yet."

"Come home."

"Nope, still not a question." 

"Duo, please come home."

Close enough, Duo thought. "Why?"

Heero just looked at him. What was he supposed to answer? That he missed him? That he had been worried about him ever since he left? That he… 

"Quatre…"

"You came out here because of Quatre?" Duo felt himself growing angrier as the seconds passed. 

Heero wasn't sure what to say. It had been Quatre who had convinced him to come out and find Duo, but...

Duo could feel that same time bomb ticking away. Here he was, in the same room with Heero and he couldn't even talk to him, face him. After all this time, Heero had some nerve barging into his carefully maintained sanity. Or at least as near to sanity that he was able to come. He was two steps away from punching the guy, and just as far away from hugging him. He couldn't stand it, he snapped, breaking the silence once again. 

"Why Heero? Why did you blow me off? Why did you ignore me? Why couldn't you just be there? Huh? Why?" So much for being aloof. But he couldn't help it, he needed those answers before he could ever return, before he could ever believe that such a thing would be possible. Duo's eyes fixed Heero's. Both were cold, calculating, and untrusting. 

Despite the hard looks from Duo, Heero said nothing. He just stared right back, unable to overcome his stubborn pride. 

"And you can't even answer me." Duo shook his head in disbelief, he had been so sure that Heero would say something, anything… maybe he didn't know him as well as he thought he did…

"Duo, please. Please come back?"

Duo blinked. Had he heard that right? Please? After all that the bastard did, after all that he wouldn't say, he had the nerve to still ask him back. Ask. When did Heero Yuy ask him for anything? Duo felt a tear welling up. Wasn't this what you wanted, what you longed for all this time? To go back? To go home? Duo blinked the tear back. This was no place for tears, especially not from him. 

"The tell me why I should."

"Because we are a team. Because the others want you to. Because it is where you belong."

Duo wanted to punch his nose in. The others? What about him? What did Heero want? Didn't he get it? Didn't he realize that it was he who drove him out? And that it was he who needed to want him back. Duo put on his best smile and looked around the room. 

"I dunno, I've been doing pretty well on my own. Don't get me wrong, I do miss Trowa's breakfast. He sure knows how to scramble an egg, and that bacon—I've been trying but mine is never quite that good. But beyond having burnt bacon I really can't complain. Yup, life is treating me well here. I don't know if I really want to give it up." 

Heero simply stared at his friend, smiling one minute, shouting the next, and then back to his aloof self. He heard himself speak, "If you are happy here, then you shouldn't come back." 

Duo felt his insides drop but didn't show it. "I mean, what is there to go back home to? Besides Trowa's cooking, of course." Was this too obvious? Duo was beginning to not care about being subtle. All he wanted was for Heero to tell him that he missed him and that he wanted Duo back. Not anyone else, just Heero. Damn, why couldn't he just say it? 

Heero paused a moment. 

"Maybe I made a mistake coming here" he began, "You seem to be doing well. I never doubted that you would. I'm sorry if I bothered you, Goodbye." Within seconds, Heero was out the door. 

Duo just stared in disbelief as he walked out. Heero was gone. He went to the door and looked out the peephole. Heero really was just going to leave. Out of habit, he slid the lock into place before going back to sit on his only piece of furniture. He stared absently for a moment, trying to let it all sink in. 

Heero. Gone. All his dreams and hopes were gone with him. Wasn't this just what Duo had been wanting these past weeks? Heero to come and ask him home? And now he had just blown it. His only chance to return—and Duo had blown it. He stood up and began to pace. Without thinking, Duo curled his hand into a fist and punched a hole in the wall. Then all he could do was stare as he pulled his right hand out, splinters of wood fell through the hole, and the sheet rock started crumbling to the floor. How did the sheet rock get there, wondered Duo. He didn't notice the blood or the pain in his hand—his heart was too heavy to allow him to think of physical things. 

"Heero. Heero you damn fool. Why couldn't you just say it? You apologized for bothering me, but you couldn't do it for everything else? Why did I have to fall in love with a fool?" And with that, the tears that had been forced in for so very long fell down his cheeks. 

Heero walked halfway down the block before he stopped. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, "He's fine. And I'll be fine too." 

As he readied himself to leave, he heard a loud crash from Duo's house. Heero ran back to the door. In the few seconds that it took him to run, he had imagined Duo doing his worst. Heero was afraid. He tried the handle but it didn't budge. Heero wasted no time by kicking it open. He looked around. There was Duo, staring a gaping hole in the wall. Tears silently fell down his cheeks, his knees shook. 

"Duo?" Heero whispered. 

Duo didn't look up, didn't move. 

Duo heard his name from a long way off, but he didn't comprehend it. He hadn't cried in a long time, not since his Gundam had been destroyed by OZ, and only once before—when Sister Helen and Father Maxwell had died. But now he couldn't stop the flow of tears. That's all it was, a constant stream of tears—no sobs or whimpering, just tears. For a brief moment, Duo fell. But in the instant before he reached the ground, he felt a supporting arm around his waist. He heard his name again, this time it wasn't so far off. He opened his eyes—he didn't recall ever closing them—and looked into the eyes of Heero. 

"I, I thought you left," Duo said. 

"You left. But I drove you away." Heero moved his free hand toward Duo's cheek. He hesitated only a moment before wiping away Duo's tears. "I can't love you Duo." 

"Can you at least tell me why not? I think you owe me that much." 

Heero nodded, "Because I'm the Perfect Soldier. I don't have the capacity to love. Not anymore." Within that instant, Heero knew that he had betrayed himself. He had left too much open, he had said too much in that short answer. Heero wasn't sure how Duo would react. He wasn't sure how he wanted him to act. 

Duo was steady on his feet again, but the arm around his waist did not loosen or leave. "Why not learn how to again?" he asked, carefully watching Heero. 

"Duo, I can't. My responsibility is to our missions, to the safety of the colonies. I can't fight our enemies if I worry about you while I'm out there. If I loved, I'd worry. I'd want to protect you, and I just don't have that luxury." 

"I worry about you every damn day," Duo began. "Trowa and Quatre can love and fight, why can't we?" He sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to talk you into anything. You at least gave me your reasons. I guess I'll be happy with that. It's your life. I hope you are happy with what you are doing with it." Duo pulled away from Heero's arm. 

Heero's arm felt strange dangling at his side. It had felt so right curved around Duo's waist. Before the Perfect Soldier realized it, he was having second thoughts. Was this right? He missed having Duo around. He missed the piles of Duo's junk laying about their room, he missed the way that Duo teased and tormented everyone in the house, he missed the slightly raspy breathing when he fell asleep. Sure the guy could be a pain in the neck at times—alright, most of the time—but still… there was a surety and an energy about him. Duo oozed a love of life, a love for what he was doing, and a love for…. Heero had thought about this a long time, since before Duo left. The harsh silence that Heero had carefully wrapped around himself was his protection from his feelings. Silence prevented him from getting to close to anything or anyone. And yet he had just broken that silence to Duo. 

"I'm not."

"Huh?" asked Duo, confused by the words after the silence that had just taken place. 

"I'm not happy." Heero locked his eyes onto Duo's. 

Duo swallowed hard, should he or shouldn't he? What the hell, he thought, there is no time like the present. Besides, what more could Heero do? He didn't want to think about that. Instead, he took a step closer to Heero and tightly wrapped his arms around the other boy's neck. Duo could feel Heero stiffen slightly, but he did not let go. 

"Please. Let me be here for you," he whispered into Heero's ear, "Let me try to help you be happy." 

Duo felt Heero's arms circle his chest. With that gesture Duo allowed himself hope—a hope that he had not felt for a very long time. 

Heero felt a similar feeling growing in his own chest—slowly starting to eat away at the gnawing doubts. 

In answer to Heero's unasked question Duo spoke, "You don't have to be the 'Perfect' soldier anymore. You can be like the rest of us—the 'Much-Better-Than-Average' soldier. And I even promise not die on you, as long as you don't go dying on me either." Duo lightened his hug, noting with pleasure that Heero did the same but with more reluctance. Duo brushed his hand through Heero's unkempt hair, giving a crooked smile as he did. "Well? Do you want to try this?"

"Will you come back home?" 

"Home is wherever you are Heero." 

Heero gave Duo a smirk-turned-smile. "Then come back with me," he said. 

Duo grinned. Heero stopped him from saying anything more by covering Duo's lips with his own.


End file.
